Myths around pain and grief

Pain and grief are natural responses to loss — but society continues to perpetuate a number of myths that can create barriers to healing. These misconceptions may seem harmless on the surface, yet they can deepen emotional suffering and lead people to believe something is wrong with the way they’re grieving. In truth, people are not just in pain because of their loss, but because they are also battling false beliefs about what grief "should" look like.

This confusion is understandable — most of us avoid thinking about death until it’s directly in our lives. But learning about these grief myths and understanding the real facts behind grief can help both before and during the grieving process. When people know that what they’re experiencing is normal, it gives them relief, validation, and strength to cope.

Let’s look at some of the most common myths about pain and grief and the truths that replace them:

1. Everyone Grieves in Stages

The idea that grief occurs in five clear stages — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — is widespread. However, these stages were originally meant to describe what people go through when they are dying, not those grieving a loss.

This model has been misapplied, leading many people to compare their experiences and wonder if something is wrong when they don’t follow that order. Grief doesn’t work like a checklist. There is no "normal" path, and everyone grieves differently. You might skip stages, circle back, or feel several emotions at once — and that’s perfectly okay.

2. Women Grieve More Than Men

Another common myth is that women grieve more than men. This belief often stems from the fact that women are generally more expressive with their emotions, while men may appear more stoic or silent.

But grief is not about what is shown on the outside. Many men process grief through cognitive strategies — focusing on problem-solving, taking action, or internalizing their pain. These are valid approaches. Expressing feelings outwardly isn't the only way to grieve, and one gender is not more emotional or affected than the other.

3. Grief and Mourning Are the Same

People often use the terms grief and mourning interchangeably, but they’re not the same.

• Grief

• Mourning

Many people grieve but do not mourn, often because they’re told to "stay strong" or "move on." This suppression leads to isolated suffering. Healing happens when grief is shared outwardly, in safe spaces with people who understand and care.

4. Ignoring Your Pain Will Make It Go Away

This myth is especially dangerous. Emotional pain, like physical pain, needs to be acknowledged and addressed. If someone had a broken bone, ignoring it would only make it worse. Grief is no different.

Trying to bury pain leads to emotional numbness, depression, or harmful coping mechanisms — such as substance use. It’s important to face grief head-on, even if it’s difficult. Give yourself permission to feel the pain. Cry. Talk. Reflect. Let time and patience do their work. And remember, being alone is different from being isolated — seek support when you need it.

5. We All Grieve in the Same Way

Grief is deeply personal. There is no one-size-fits-all approach.

• Some people cry. Others don't.

• Some are talkative about their loss. Others stay silent.

• Some grieve intensely for years, while others return to routine quickly.

Culture, religion, personality, and life experiences all shape the way we grieve. What’s important is to recognize and honor your way of grieving, not to compare it to others or to a mythical “standard” of grief.

The Truth Heals

These myths don’t just mislead — they harm. They convince people that they’re grieving “wrong,” making their pain worse. Breaking free from these myths allows for more honest, compassionate, and personalized grief journeys.

Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor is it something to be rushed or avoided. It is a natural response to love and loss, and understanding it is the first step toward healing.

Let’s start by dispelling the myths, sharing the facts, and creating space where all types of grief are accepted and supported.