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Frustration is an emotion that occurs in situations where a person is blocked from reaching the desired outcome. In general, whenever we reach one of our goals, we feel pleased and whenever we are prevented from reaching our goals, we may succumb to frustration and feel irritable, annoyed and angry. Typically, the more important the goal, the greater the frustration and resultant anger or loss of confidence.
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The frustration we experience can be seen as the result of :
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| Internal causes of frustration: |
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When we cannot have what we want as a result of real or imagined personal deficiencies such as a lack of confidence, ability, capability or fear of social situations. Another type of internal frustration results when a person has competing goals that interfere with one another.
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| External causes of frustration: |
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When conditions outside the person such as physical roadblocks we encounter in life including other people and things that get in the way of our goals. Roadblocks can also be perceived or abstract, e.g. You feel frustrated thinking that you’re losing time when you’re standing in line at a bank, or in traffic, or on the phone. Our inability to do much about external causes of frustration tends to magnify the frustration.
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Frustration can be triggered by:
Person: Just the sight of a person you’ve had disagreements with is enough to trigger feelings of frustration. Unresolved feelings towards people can surface as frustration
Place: Frustration might crop up in a place where you’ve suffered frustration in the past. You may find a place frustrating if it reminds you of an unpleasant memory or bares similarity to a place of unmet goals or needs
Activity: An activity accompanied by frustration often, may become the trigger of frustration, eventually. For example:- If you face constant failures, or there is no subjective reward to the activity, may become a trigger
Time: There may be certain days of the week/month or times during the day when you tend to feel more frustrated. Certain seasons or parts of the year in which you relate to an unpleasant experience or unachievable pleasant experience may trigger it.
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External frustration may be unavoidable. We can try to do something about it, like finding a different route if we are stuck in traffic, but sometimes there is just nothing we can do about it. There is no solution. In such a situation, adopting acceptance is key:
- One can learn that while the situation itself may be upsetting and frustrating, you do not have to be frustrated.
- While dealing with external sources of frustration, it’s helpful to recognise the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer ‘’God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.’’
- One can learn to distinguish between what you hope will happen, what will probably happen, and what actually happens. Accepting that hope and reality are different, and being prepared for all eventualities helps cushion the impact of frustration.
- Life inevitably has its ups and downs - its moments of relaxation and times of tension. When you learn to truly accept this reality, you come one step closer to being able to deal with frustration in a healthy way.
- Frustration is usually less when an individual expected or knew beforehand, that the goal would be ‘’challenging.’’
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