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Even the healthiest partnerships have difficulties. It takes work and may not always be simple to create a happy, healthy relationship, especially when there has been a betrayal of trust. There will always be problems in life and in relationships. Furthermore, the objective is to collaborate meaningfully in order to create rather than dwell on the past.
Making the decision to mend your relationship is a wise first move. However, you'll need to be ready because the path to restoration may be a difficult one. While you are both working on repairing your relationship, there will be many ingrained feelings and behaviours that need to be overcome and new memories that need to be made. However, nothing will be too difficult to do if you are dedicated to mending your relationship. From the ashes, something far stronger and more satisfying will definitely emerge.
Whether you're coping with the effects of a betrayal or attempting to maintain a relationship, here are some pointers to get you started.
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| First and foremost, fix the relationship you have with yourself |
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When starting anything new, it will be pretty helpful to make your own list of relationship red signals and green flags based on relationships you have already experienced or have had mirrored for you. Make a list of the characteristics you expect and prefer not to have in a partner. However, consider how you can also offer some of those things to yourself. Most essential, don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself to begin anything more serious than you are capable of.
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| If you are at fault, accept full responsibility |
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It's crucial to accept full responsibility for what happened and to recognise how your behaviour impacted your relationship if there has been a betrayal or a breach of trust. Avoid becoming defensive or denying your fault, but also avoid becoming self-critical. You should take ownership of it in a compassionate way that makes room for beginning to reestablish trust.
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| Resolve the painful situations |
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Despite your shared commitment to restoring your relationship, a significant portion will involve dealing with the unpleasant events that have now been etched into your past. Anger, sadness, and other negative emotions will also need to be dealt with if there are trust concerns. Be careful not to unintentionally continue projecting these issues onto one another. Express whatever sentiments or sensations that come to you, including the want to cry. This will let those suppressed feelings out, enabling you to focus on mending your relationship without having to repress anything.
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| Discuss your boundaries and what makes you feel secure in relationships |
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It may not be a good match if the other person dismisses your boundaries as ridiculous or complains that you're expecting too much. You may begin to form such strong and fulfilling relationships by looking for individuals who can and are willing to express themselves openly, debate and compromise on your shared requirements, and validate your emotions. It's okay to be doubtful at first since your protector is trying to keep you safe by doing that. And while you recover and gradually grow together, the person you are doing it with should be patient and respect your boundaries.
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| Have a support system outside of your partner |
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Ask an impartial person to listen to you out if someone you're with does anything that makes you uncomfortable. It helps to have individuals who can offer a more unbiased viewpoint, whether you're seeing a therapist, have a trusted group of friends, or even just one friend, to discuss things through. Even keeping a journal can help you process recent trauma, identify present emotions, and keep track of your experiences or how other people's actions are impacting you.
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| Recognize that you must continue to work on yourself and your relationship |
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There are some relationship wounds from previous difficult relationships that a healthy partnership can't fully cure. Any healthy relationship, whether sexual or platonic, needs effort and commitment from both parties. It's all about creating positive things with others. The easiest method to mend any relationship is to ask someone to start over with you and learn everything with you. While beginning again might be frightening, building trust as a team is the best way to do it.
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